sideline parenting (1 of 18) — how to get lucky

Parenting Advice from the World’s Greatest Coaches (with a Charlie’s House spin).

“Good luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”   —Darrel Royal (former University of Texas football coach)

How many times have you heard your children use the word “luck”? How often do they described someones good fortune as “lucky”? How quick are they to write off a success story to simple, dumb, “luck”?

I guess the examples are a bit similar to all of us, regardless of our age. We see Bill Gates, Sergey Brin, and Michael Dell and think how lucky they are to be included in the worlds wealthiest people. We watch Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods and Wayne Gretzky and cant believe how lucky they were/are to play a game for a living. Or, how lucky Brad Pitt, Ryan Reynolds, and Jason Stathem are for having great physiques, and how lucky the author of this blog is for having a smokin’ hot wife.

bee careful you dont shoot a bird

The time had come for me, very recently, to have “the talk” with my just about to be 14 year old son.

I strategically worked out a plan to spend some alone time with him and create a comfortable environment to discuss the “birds and the bees”. I had it all figured out in my head and I payed very close attention to the timing and the tone and I layed my opening line on him.

Cool Dad: “So how comfortable would you be if we talked about the “birds and the bees” for a bit?”

Awesome Son: “What’s that”

CD: “Sex stuff”

AS: “Fine…I guess”

CD: “Cool”

And off we go…

it’s only 13.1 miles from hooters to church

My wife and I ran a half marathon last Sunday that was sponsored by the Hooters in my home town.

I had no intentions of running this race, as I had spent exactly zero effort training for a race of this distance. My wife, on the other hand did, and I was there to cheer on my sweety pie. (plus she looks hot in her running garb). We got there early enough to give her time to sign in and stretch with plenty of time for us to chat about how cold it was that morning. We kept warm in the car until just before the race and she made her way to the starting line. Somewhere in the middle of that, I decided that I had no idea what I was going to do for two hours while she was gone…

So I signed up an ran the race.

spiritual back fat

re-up (rē-ŭp’)

1. To enlist again for service.
2. To sign a renewed contract for employment or service.

There are very few things in life that we don’t have to reenlists in to continue loyal service. Excluding death and taxes, it takes a concerted effort to continue the efforts that it takes to carry on whatever it is that we are involved in. There are specific moments in our everyday lives, that are often unnoticed but clearly defined (usually in hind site), where you decided to “press on” or “give up” on a desire. There is a distinct fork in the road during every one of these journeys that causes us to make a choice as to where our efforts would be better spent.

(I just read that paragraph 3 times and I am not sure that I understand what I just said.)

Let’s try it this way.

the day i came out of the closet

Name something that you did but wish you didn’t.

Allow me to rephrase that in the attempt to better capture your attention and increase the chances of you reading on.)

Name something that you didn’t realize that you did until after you did it and looked back at how you potentially just damaged your marriage forever. Something that was so stupid and meaningless at the time, but possibly made a statement that it had the power to permanently scar the bond what you have built with your spouse to date. An action that was so poorly planned and so horribly executed that, if you showed it in slow motion, could be viewed as more painful than Britney’s MTV Music Awards extravaganza.

I will paint the picture for you, but I must warn you of a few things…

ask and you shall receive…just not right now

“Egg Hut Tree Hack Shin”

Have you ever concentrated so hard on what you were saying that it was unclear what you were thinking when you said it?

I know that sometimes I get so wrapped up in the obvious that I miss the actual message. I can be so concerned with my opinion and what seems logical, that I become vindicated due to my understanding of the given situation. I fight the flow of any other solution, never considering it plausible. Some people call that “Jumping to Conclusions”; others call it “Ambiguity”; but what it really is, is ”Stubbornness”.

“Sea Can’t Higher Dove Fit”

Other times we just had a different idea of what we were trying to accomplish. Our intentions didn’t quite match our impact. In some cases they were polar opposites. We didn’t take time to fully understand our possible audience and the results were disastrous.

a greater tolerance for chaos

“Every time I have the opportunity to sin, I have the opportunity to bear fruit of the spirit as well. In a momentary flash; I can choose self-control or allow my eyes to wander. I can choose kindness or let a bit of vindictiveness leak out. What determines which one wins? In my life it’s largely the level of incubation.” 

                       —Ron Martoia , morph! ,  2003

Hmmmm…

I read this paragraph in Ron’s book a few years ago and again, a few days ago. Then I did my favorite thing I do when I come across something I want to absorb for a while; I went for a run. A “business as usual” run except I turn down my headphones to a faint mumble (for background filler only), and allow my kooky brain to grind up what I have learned and make it relevant enough to apply to something that I am going through at the moment.

how big are your knockers

“Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open.”     —Alexander Graham Bell

I wrote a blog, about a week ago, that started out with a proposition. I stated that anyone who performed a certain act, could be rewarded by me becoming their best friend for 2 weeks. Not just a regular friend, but a BEST FRIEND.

So, it appears that a few hundred people clicked on whatever led them to my article. I will assume that half started to read and decided not to finish, and the other half were successful in achieving the goal.  Of that, half probably didn’t need any extra friends, and a few more just didn’t want ME as one of them. That leaves me with an apparent 25 to 40 new BEST FRIENDS.

But here is the part that I don’t understand…

None of them took advantage of the opportunity.  I was not asked to babysit, cut their grass, pet their cat, or paint their house. Not one person asked me for a lift to the store, a shoulder to cry on, or a pot to tinkle in. No one asked me for help, advice, prayer, money, time, love, understanding, or my opinion.

being a husband is not a “big deal”

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her.   —Ephesians 5:25

I have mentioned this verse in a few different blogs, but I regret (’regret’ is a whole other blog) that I misunderstood its meaning early in my relationship with my wife. I think that I missed opportunities to practice this with regularity because I always waited for some extraordinary situation to apply my “man powers” to, so that I could save the day in true “Super-Husband” fashion. After all, Christ DIED for the church; so I was prepared to do the same for my wife. As a result, I always kept my ears open for signs of a natural disaster, terrorist attacks, or global thermo nuclear war. I was ready for the worst, and I knew I would protect my wife, at any cost. I was looking to make a “big deal” out of my efforts, and I was WAITING for it.

american idad

Occasionally, I find myself Dad watching.

I look at Dad’s interacting with their kids (or not) and judge their performance. Depending on the kind of day I am having, I can look at the same situation and interpret it in different ways. I try to take everything that is apparent into consideration when forming my opinion. Then there are the unknown factors that play a roll as well. If you are lucky enough to sit next to them in a restaurant or movie, as opposed to a simple breeze by in the mall, you can pretty much figure out the kind of parent they are, regardless of the unknown.

There will be people that will argue the “unknown” factor and tell me “I just don’t understand”. Others will give me a “shame on you for judging”, but here it goes anyway.

Example (the short version):

I’m in a restaurant / a family sits next to me / little girl has no “quiet voice” / Mom yells at her 345,681 times to “be quiet” / girl says “no” half of those times / the other half she just ignores her Mom / the girl orders everything, eats nothing /  the Dad sits on his lazy butt and stuffs his face with his Grand Slam / the girl throws things at her parents / everyone in the restaurant wishes them dead / except of course me, being a Christian and all.

you want a piece of me?

My last few posts have been a bit on the mushy side. My very last post (and most popular to date according to my stats, go figure) was about “quilting”. It is with this in mind that I implore upon you to please excuse the violent nature of this post as I swing my ever powerful “man-a-tude” pendulum to the opposite extreme.

With the causes and effects of war we are not concerned. Its continued existence is inevitable and its results for good or evil are beyond all human power to avert or change. — George S. Patton, Jr. 1927

Rock Balboa had a battle to fight.

He was challenged by men that didn’t know him; ridiculed by those who knew him less; questioned by those closest to him, doubted by those he respected; and found no support, initially, from those he loved. He had no reason to follow through. He had every reason to cower. He had been supplied any and every excuse he needed to back down.

But he chose to fight anyway.

the fabric of life

In honor of my newest blog buddies, I have decided to step out of my comfort (no pun intended) zone and speak about quilting.

I am amazed at the amount of people that share this interest, and although you will probably never see me basting, bearding, or binding; I must admit that I was thinking about getting a rotary cutter to help me cut my thin and crispy margarita pizzas into perfect little triangles.

Please understand that you could take everything I know about quilting; put it in a thimble; and still have room for the 300 Spartans.

the right of way

In most cases, it is seems to make more sense to make a wrong decision than it is to make a right one.

I think of yellow street lights. It is much easier to keep your foot on the pedal that it’s on; rather than to move it to another one. It seems simpler to press down on the pedal that your foot is already attached to and accelerate your vehicle. It appears harmless to zip through the intersection and press on to your destination before any of those other cars get in your way.

But it’s wrong, isn’t it?

Everyone knows that the yellow light really means: “Hey, you need to get ready to stop, so that we can get ready to get on with plan for the rest of the folks out here.” The cool part is that you know that the rule is there for a reason and you can trust that there is a good chance that nothing bad will come of you following the rules. You will be safe, limit the chances of receiving a citation, and the road rage warriors will have to continue to comb the earth for a different victim to unleash the hideous scent that comes from them showing you what is under their striped tail.

Acts of Random Kindness… NOT

I took the family to the movies after church today to see “Evan Almighty”.

The movie was great, but this is not a movie review blog. I also must remind myself not to be too creative using bits and pieces from the movie to tell a story as I don’t want to ruin it for anyone that is going to see it soon. If you are reading the poor reviews, ignore them. It’s a very good movie, but for me, surrounded by strange experiences.

faith…kinda, sorta

Think about anyone you know that is in a position of power.

It may be the President, Vice President, or a Chief of Staff. It could be an Accountant, a Doctor, or a Counselor. It may be a Police Officer, Judge, or Jury. It might be a Parent, a Teacher or a Coach. It does not matter who you pick, all of them have one thing in common. They are used to being in charge. They are the ones that have to remember to hold things together in good times and in bad. They are the ones that we count on when the going gets tough and we need more help than we are able to offer ourselves. They are the people with the plan.

RSS for dummies…literally

Here are 5 feeds that you should NEVER rely on RSS to deliver!

I am one of those crazy guys that is suspicious of the intentions of the Internet. I think that there is as much to learn from the World Wide Web as there is to try not to learn. In order for me to explain where I am going with this, I need to insure that you understand what RSS is. If you think this statement is me challenging your smartnestitude, please understand that I just figured it out about a month ago and am assuming that there are others that don’t get it. (I’m betting my wife is one)

So, for your learning enjoyment, please take a brief moment to watch the clip I have provided. Then come back and I’ll put a little hibbity-dibbity on it.

God makes my wife horny

Easy instructions on finding her ’G'od Spot.

Too many men are looking at the wrong playbook when it comes to driving their wife mad with desire. There is a different set of buttons, for women, that get them filled with passion and excitement and all of them start within their emotions. What we, asmen, consider to be non-sexual actions during the day are actually accellerants to their burning desires. A guy may be turned on like a “light switch”, but a woman is more like a “time lock safe”.

I bet that this doesn’t sound like new news to most. What I don’t get is how many men still don’t give what I am about to say a chance. Is it that they don’t want the best sex they could possibly have? What would you give to send your intimate experiences with your spouse to the next level? I think that couples underestimate what their sexpectations should be of their partner.

Do yourself a favor and try out what I am about to explain. Keep it up for 30 days or so and see what happens. God made woman a bit more difficult to figure out than Big Wheel assembly instructions. I would suggest, against your man-judgement, you follow the directions that are provided. The bible says a few things. I will attempt to simplify.

tone deaf

I spent quite some time trying to come up with a catchy name, title, look and feel to this, my first blog page. I somehow felt that its success (whatever that means) would rely on the tone (please refer to the title reference) of the initial visit of whomever mysteriously stumbled across my page. I was concerned with the “catchy” heading and the “interesting feel” of the layout as well as the deep and intelligent first posting. I was going over all of the people that I assumed would visit, at my request, and all of the people that they would recommend to visit due to its incredible insight and ground breaking topics of discussion. I was also wondering when the last time the Pulitzer was given to an Italian?

So I started writing my first post… <enter>my son…

“Hey Dad what’s up”? (reads screen) “Who wrote that stuff”?

Then I realized that all that “goo” wasn’t me at all. It had nothing to do with what my intentions are for this blog thing. Come to think of it, I have little or no expectations for this as it is a new experience for me all together. I can, however, tell you what I hope…

I hope to be a help to someone. I hope to encourage. I hope to shed some light on anything! I have been told, more than once, so I assume its true, that I have a pretty cool way of speaking to people about situations they are in that I am familiar with. I enjoy sharing things about who I am that prove to be beneficial to others that are open to suggestions and in similar situations.

So here’s the deal…

I’m going to randomly speak about being a husband to my wife for almost 14 years (Aug 21, 1993), a father to my children (boy 12 girl 8), a good neighbor, and a friend. I may speak about work, fitness, bowling (don’t laugh), books, or movies, but probably how they relate to my family. I also like to speak from the viewpoint of a guy and I will probably be more funny than deep.

Cause that’s how I roll…