how to fight a girl

If you ever wondered if there were any laws written to explain rules of engagement with your wife, I’m sorry to say that there is not. I can, however, get you close to the truth by creatively adding a few words to a set of rules that were outlined in a movie I saw a few zillion times.

  • soap1st Rule:  You do not talk about FIGHT with wife CLUB.

  • 2nd Rule: You DO NOT talk about FIGHT with wife CLUB.

  • 3rd Rule: If you say “stop” or go limp, or tap out, the fight is still not over until she says.

  • 4th Rule: Only one right person to a fight. (PS it’s not you)

  • 5th Rule: One fight at a time. (Unless she chooses to bring up 345,212 different issues from the past)

  • 6th Rule: No amount of gifts, shirts or shoes can save you.

  • 7th Rule: Fights will go on as long as she thinks they have to.

  • 8th Rule: If this is your first night at FIGHT with wife CLUB, you HAVE to fight.

Wikipedia says that the transgressional fiction used as the genre of literature in Fight Club focuses on characters who feel confined by the norms and expectations of society and who use unusual and/or illicit ways to break free of those confines. Because they are rebelling against the basic norms of society, protagonists of transgressional fiction may seem mentally ill, anti-social and/or nihilistic.

Or they might just call it husbandistic non-fiction.

bradLook, I know that there is nothing that you can do to eliminate disagreements in your marriage. You are different people and you have different upbringing and opinions. You are different beings with different genetics. You are different in every way, both physical and emotional. Plus, society has trained you to close yourself off to protect yourself. All of that is given information, but that does not give you permission to stink at disagreeing with your wife, forever.

Fighting is an art. Ed Norton’s character understood that his everyday personality was not able to handle every situation he found himself facing. So he made a new one. He created a person that could be better accepted in specific situations. One was a leader and a conqueror, the other was a student, but both were necessary to complete there missions.

I know this sounds very far fetched, and no I am not recommending any of us go off the bi-polar deep end, beat the crap out of our friends, and blow up the credit reporting agencies. I’m just saying that I think that your everyday personality will not always work with every situation with your wife. Especially the heated ones. You see, in most cases, the same things that made you wife attracted to you in the first place, are the same things that make her want to stab you in the larynx with her ez-reach toothbrush when you are in the heat of a battle.

Husbands are geared toward acting first, thinking second, and paying the price third, fourth, and fifth.

I will attempt to give you a more suitable guide to help you through your next fight sequence. This list will not work for all and could never be all-inclusive. You are welcome to add or subtract from this list if you see fit.

  • edDon’t lie

  • Don’t yell

  • Don’t insult

  • Don’t threaten

  • Know what you are fighting about

  • Share talk time. If she gets too quiet, you both loose.

  • Listening to understand instead of listening to respond

  • Validate any opinions she has, even if you disagree with them.

  • Finish what you started. Don’t let it linger to protect your pride.

  • Disagreements are not about right or wrong, they are about understanding beyond your current comprehension

Can we agree that most of that stuff goes against some of the natural responses of a man? If so, we can also agree that we will need to find something beyond that to successfully maneuver ourselves through these challenging times. The good news is that it’s in us. We just have to understand that our wives are the one person, in each of our lives, that will allow us to expose our vulnerable side long enough to help heal the situation and allow us to grow stronger as a couple.

Think about it…if you both learned how to disagree better, it would be one less thing stopping you from being the most amazing couple that ever walked the face of the earth.

“How much can you know about yourself, you’ve never been in a fight? I don’t wanna die without any scars. So come on; hit me before I lose my nerve.”                   Tyler Durden


3 Responses to how to fight a girl

  1. Frustrated Hubby says:

    This post is great and needs to be understood. I find that mostly young, newly married guys dont follow the above mentioned “rules” Us married guys try as best as possible but it still isnt always possible.

    You also left one out. “When you as the guy think your right, your still wrong.”

  2. Alasdair says:

    If in doubt, leave the room and bang your head against a brick wall … I find this works wonders for clearing the head and seeing things her way!

  3. imhelendt says:

    Jeez Charlie. That’s not how you fight with a girl. Now put ’em up! ;D

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