sexual chocolate

For this experiment, you will need:

٠ (1) 8 to 10 oz glass with a wide mouth ٠ (1) Teaspoon٠ Your favorite percentage of milk 

٠ (4-6) Oreo Cookies (non-refrigerated) ٠ (1) napkinoreo 3

First take out your Oreos and stack them one over the other anywhere on the napkin and on your kitchen, dining, or coffee table. Place the spoon so that the belly of the utensil is also on the napkin. (This is to insure that any and all residue that may have been mistakenly left behind from your child’s last eating experience does not interfere with your quest for ecstasy.) Then get your glass and go to the fridge. (Glass first so that you do not waste the precious time that your milk spends out of the refrigerator). Fill it with milk leaving anywhere from ½ to 1 full inch before the rim. Walk briskly, with milk in hand to your prepared Oreo stack and sit down with authority. Can you feel the excitement building in your loins?

Now, take the top Oreo between your thumb and index finger and submerse vertically just past its equator. Count, internally, to 4. (Don’t ask…just do it) Then release the cookie so that it floats in the milk like the last moments of the Titanic before it plunges into the sea. It will sink in its position, and when it disappears into the milk, grab the spoon and scoop it out.

oreo 2Take the soaked Oreo, accompanied by the spoon filled addition of liquid pleasure, and place it, in its entirety, in your mouth. Then do whatever comes naturally.

Then, take a tiny (and I mean tiny) sip from the glass, rinse, swallow, and repeat.

When all of your Oreos are gone there will be enough chocolate sprinkled milk chug left for what I like to call “the finisher”. Words cannot explain the sensation I speak of. It is something that needs to be experienced by the individual.

This ritual, for me, has always been a great reminder of the closeness that I have in my marriage.

The two pieces of chocolate cookie on the outside remind me of me and my wife. We were pretty tasty as individuals, but when you add our creamy filling, we are delicious. That creamy filling is a representation of the love that binds us together. The milk is our spiritual agreement. It is absorbed into us to fill voids and make us more palatable for each other. (It makes us easier pills to swallow) It is an understanding that our love for each other can only get us part of the way; what completes us is the love Christ has for us. It is so much that the cookie alone cannot hold it. There is a name for that chocolaty overflow that is left in the glass…”intimacy”

oreo 1When you realize that you could never love each other “alone” as much as you can love each other with the help of God, you open yourself up to experience an excess of love, tenderness, and passion in your marriage like you could never imagine and is mostly indescribable.

I love what God has done to my cookie. I especially love what I get to do with my cookie when he is done filling it with his love. It makes me smile, it gets me excited, and it makes me want to sing at the top of my lungs…

..but don’t take my word for it…

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10 Responses to sexual chocolate

  1. Hawk says:

    Wish I liked Oreo cookies! Very good read!

    Later…

  2. Susie says:

    As always . . . whatever it is you always are. I don’t quite have the word for it yet, but it’s a good thing.

    “I love what God has done to my cookie” gets my award for best sentence I’ve read on a blog this week :)

  3. Stiletto says:

    Wow, a Christian who knows how to talk dirty. I don’t even know what to say. Except I’m really craving Oreos and milk now. That’s it, I’m raiding the fridge, and just think, I can’t even say the devil made me do it this time around.

  4. Charlie says:

    Hawk: Thank You for the read

    Susie: As always…you are too kind

    Stil: There is no way the devil has anything to do with the utter delight of an Oreo…enjoy

  5. Alasdair says:

    Sorry, I couldn’t read all the post … biscuits in milk, then drinking the residue … not my, ahem, cuppa tea!

    That aside though I’m awarding you a tastlessly designed “nice matters” award …

  6. His Girl says:

    Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, I thought to myself dare this single girl read this post? Will I need to cover my eyes with my fingers and peak through? As usual you delight me an analogy that not only can I visualize but taste. Bravo. Hmmmm need to run to the store for some oreos now.

  7. Chantal says:

    OH! I had never thought to let it float in the milk & scoop it out with a spoon! This was a great post, Charlie. All the stuff you write, I meditate it in my heart & maybe I’ll get to “love what God has done to my cookie” one day (first I need that special cookie though, who will know the answer to my question: “Got milk?”).
    Thanks for this one…..

  8. Hawk says:

    Since I don’t like Oreos and drink Soy Milk, do you think it would work with Oatmeal Raisin cookies and Silk? Not so much probably!

    I must confess, I do love milk but have an aversion to the enhancements pharms dairy farmers use to increase production. Organic milk and Oatmeal Raisins may work!

    I just couldn’t resist adding another comment – my fangers have a will of their own!

  9. Charlie says:

    MATH: your right…that sounds a bit gross

    HG: I am trying to picture you peeking through your fingers at your monitor…too funny!!!

    Chantal: “Got Milk”….why can’t I be that clever…what a perfect ending statement…awesome!

    Hawk: I’m not too sure about the Soy, Oats, and Raisins…:lol: My wife is a Soy Junkie too. I insist that you never stop resisting coming by and commenting. I look forward to your avatar popping up. Just let me know when you change it next time…JK…great to see you my friend.

  10. Hawk says:

    Good to hear, good to hear Charlie!

    Domo!

    Ato de…

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