what’s in a name

I Run, therefore I am a Runner.

If I practice running, I can be a better Runner. If I don’t practice running, I will be a poor Runner. If I take care of my Runners body, I can run more efficiently. If I loose focus, as a Runner, I can become injured and possibly loose my ability to run.

man_on_treadmill.jpgI can choose how fast to run, how long to run, what direction to run, and how often to run. I can chose not to run as much or to run twice as much. I can run whenever and wherever I choose to (in most cases). How I run is totally up to me…

…but whatever I choose, I remain a Runner.

I was not always a Runner. It didn’t always suit me. There was a time when I choose not to run and didn’t see myself ever aspiring to be called a Runner. Then I made a choice to learn how to run, practice running, and now I actually enjoy running. It didn’t happen overnight, but by definition, when I decided to start doing it…I became a Runner.

runner.jpgSo what does all of that mean? (I hope I can pull this one off)

I can no longer choose whether or not I am classified as a Runner. I can only choose whether or not I am any good at it. I have too much knowledge and time invested in my definition to be disqualified from the title I have chosen; but that doesn’t mean I am going to automatically win races. You see, the goal is not the title. The goal is the success of the action.

Just imagine if couples entered Marriage with the same mindset…

I Love, therefore I am a Married Man

manwomanrunningtowardsea.jpgIf I practice loving, I can be a better Married Man. If I don’t practice loving, I will be a poor Married Man. If I take care of my heart and mind, I can love more efficiently. If I loose focus, as a Married Man, I can become injured and possibly loose my ability to love.

I can choose how fast I am to forgive, how long to use patience, what tone to speak in, and how often to understand. I can chose not to love as much or to love twice as much. I can love whenever and wherever I choose to (in most cases). How I love is totally up to me…

I can no longer choose whether or not I am classified as a Married Man. I can only choose whether or not I am any good at it. I have too much knowledge and time invested in my definition to be disqualified from my Marriage; but that doesn’t mean I am going to automatically be happy. You see, the goal is not the title. The goal is the success of the action. Marriage is the title. Love is the action.

“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.”        —Doug Larson    (Middle Distance Olympic Gold Medal Runner 1924)

athlete_starting_blocks.jpgWhat does it mean when people say that they got divorced because they “fell out of love”. How do you fall out of an verb? Can you fall out of “Run”? I think to fall out of something, it would need to be a noun. Like falling out of a “car”. What they must really mean is that they fell out of their “Marriage” because they CHOSE not to LOVE. Kinda like falling out of a RACE, because you chose not to RUN.

It’s easy to call yourself a Runner; but what kind of shape are you really in?

On your mark… get set….


18 Responses to what’s in a name

  1. Amy says:

    Great post! I really like your analogy too!

  2. Fan says:

    You’re an awesome “runner” honey, and you motivate me to be a better “runner” as well!
    i luv u!

  3. Hawk says:

    A great read! Unfortunately, my relationships have not been successful and we divorced after more than a decade of marriage. You hit the nail right on the head, we “CHOSE not to LOVE!” We fell out of the RACE. If we had been more vigilant; if we had made better choices; if we had made a greater effort; perhaps…just perhaps…the result would have not been so!

    All I care to add for those readers out there who may be tiring, if you are in the RACE, take Charlie’s words to heart!

    As usual, a most enriching read!

    Ato de . . .

  4. Dawn says:

    As a member of the divorced who tried for almost 25 years … when you give it all you got, and you ain’t got nothing left, there is a time to move forward. God bless!

  5. His Girl says:

    Yes Charlie, Love is a VERB! So many do not understand this. Jesus showed us that love is an action, a choice and often times a sacrifice. Bravo!!!

    Great job!!

  6. Charlie says:

    Amy: Thank you! (Everyone welcome my first time guest!)

    Fan: i love you too sexy honey baby sugar momma…

    Hawk: thank you for the validation and the support

    DT: Well said! I suppose I should have better emphasized that it is a team effort. I could have called it a “3 legged race”! I agree with your comment and I am delighted that you stopped by.

    HG: :smile: :wink:

  7. memphisbelle says:

    Quite an insightful post. Being married and currently in a “worse” phase, I can only hope for the better yet to come. I like your perspective about choosing to be any good at it. Efforts are being made, and I am trying to persevere and run the race. I guess only time will tell on that one!
    Looking forward to reading more…

  8. Susie says:

    Important points, Charlie. Over the course of a long relationship, the “feeling” we call “love” ebbs and flows. What sustains a marriage is the CHOICE to love, not matter what the feeling is on a particular day.

  9. Hawk says:

    Charlie, I appreciate your warm invitation with visiting your casa. It’s nice to know one can pop in, put your feet up and sit for a spell and just conversate. Our journeys lead us to intersect the paths of others which at times, can not be explained and you are at the other end of the spectrum of my own past personal experience. It just is what it is.

    While it is extraordinary to hear a man write about his wife such as you do, I have to say I am also envious of your relationship. It has always been a desire of mine to find that deep spiritual, emotional, and physical connection with a remarkable lady, but it has always managed to slip away. Perhaps I have always looked in the wrong places, perhaps I didn’t have the right tools, perhaps I didn’t have a great many things – that being desire. One thing for sure I have learned, each experience prepares you for the next and if and when the time ever presents itself – if ever, I surely will be not make the same mistakes.

    There are many things which I have yet to open and discover for the moment. I guess that’s what our journey is all about eh?

    I just wanted to pop in and say hey! Having an off day here, catching-up on some personal stuff.

    Enoy your Oreo cookies and milk! Yum, yum!!!!

    Ato de . . .

  10. Chantal says:

    Hello, Charlie. Falling out of the race after 17 years, because I chose to stop running, continues to be a big hurdle 3 years after the fact. Owning up to failures, feeling guilt for giving up…..hard things to face when you aspired to be the best you could and realize you weren’t.

    Your posts on parenting inspire me to the nth degree, Charlie. But I have to echo Hawk’s comment: I, too, am envious of the relationship that you and your wife share.

    Your writings on love & marriage, on being a husband, those are the ones that bring me to my knees.

  11. Charlie says:

    Belle: I would tell you to simply “try your best”, but that would be so cliché. How about: “try to be better”, instead. Do everything you can to be a woman that deserves a man as good as the one you dream of. If he were perfect, what would you have to do to return the favor? Any man that would “give up” on a woman like THAT, does not deserve having her in the first place. It is easy to point out faults, unless they are your own.

    Susie: I soooooo agree.

    Chantal & Hawk: You two don’t have to be jealous…you only have to be deliberate going forward. Your misfortune can give you the confidence of a Profit that has seen the future (in his/her past). Knowing what NOT to do is sometimes better than knowing what TO do. I can’t wait to hear from the woman/man that benefits from your life’s trials. He/She is going to be one happy guy/gal!
    I’m not sure that you two would work out to good together though. If you put your names together in “true celebrity fassion” (like TomCat or Brangelina) it would be “Chawk”. (and that’s kinda dry)

    Takeshi: O-ai dekite ureshii desu. I look forward to the same with you sir. Any friend of Hawk’s, is a friend of mine.

  12. jolenemartin says:

    I’ve often wondered how it is that people can say they fall out of love. I guess the will to succeed disappears at times which might lead a person to think that being in love is a struggle and it’s much easier to be out of love…the excuse is just that, when really the person should be saying “I’ve tried my best but this is all too much hard work for me now”…no offence to the divorcees amongst your readers. For what it’s worth I don’t think you ever stop loving anyone who you have previously loved, whether the relationship remains or not.

    I wonder as I’m reading your posts though, what happens if only one partner is committed? Do you both just call it a day and give up? Or should the comitted partner accept that perhaps they are just a little too intense and be happy with what they’ve got?

    No reflection on my marriage just a thought as I’m reflecting on your writing and other relationships I am familiar with.

  13. traci says:

    I ended my 1st marriage after 17 years and it was a good thing. Notice I didn’t say it was an easy thing. It’s been almost 10 years now and it’s still not an easy thing. It was a necessary thing and love or no love, sometimes it is a necessary thing.

    I’ve come to believe that love isn’t really the issue though. I still love my 1st husband. He was the father of my children and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. He is not a good father and he was not a good husband and the abuse and pain that were involved needed to stop.

    I am remarried and while I love my husband, I can see life without him as well. I don’t want that at this moment but I can ‘see’ it. I have often envied people with relationships like the one you appear to have with your wife. I don’t do that too much anymore. We are all here for some purpose and some of us simply take longer to find that purpose than others.

    Peace to you and yours. Your writing touches my heart whenever I stop by.

  14. Charlie says:

    Jo: I don’t know what happens with a one sided-deal. It seems to me like neither side should have to settle. I think the tragedy occurs when one thinks they can change the other, as opposed to just working on themselves. I have seen marriages work with “less”; and I have seen divorces with “more”. Love is a funny thing, sometimes; but sometimes it isn’t.

    Traci: You comments, on my writings, brightened my day. I will be stopping by your place to “keep up” with your current situations. I will comment, if I am welcome to, if you think it could be helpful. I appreciate your comment, your honesty, and your candidness. Please stop by often!

  15. traci says:

    Charlie, my dear, stop by whenever you like. My door is always open.

  16. Chantal says:

    Charlie, you keep making us think and smile….and I like the “Chawk” fission, but Hawkchan has a nicer ring to it, non?

  17. IMom says:

    Charlie, what a joy to know that I was a good example to you as you were growing up. You know about the sanctity of marriage and I am so proud of you and Francie for being the inspiration you are. I love you so much. May God be the center of your married life forever, That is what holds the strings together forever.

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