my wife likes to see me tied up

I have a job that requires that I wear a tie.

I have a few secrets that I use to insure that I get a good knot, the right length, and a perfect dimple. I am pretty good at it, but that was not always the case. Back in the day, I used to struggle a bit with the tie thing. I would do the best I could and just deal with the results. I wore them so infrequently, that I paid very little mind to the finished product.

decideNow that it is a daily ritual, I have learned a few things.

If I tie it too short, it looks sloppy. It draws attention away from the rest of my “get up” because it looks like I should be popping out of a Volkswagen with 20 more “face painted” friends at a Ringling Brothers event. If I tie it to long, it looks like I am trying to hide a coffee stain from a poorly placed coffee cup during my drive to work. Additionally, it gets caught on stuff and it seems to get in the way all day.

When I pull it too tight, it restricts my breathing and my movement. When I wear it too loose, it looks unprofessional. The point is that, more so than learning how to make it match, I had to learn how to tie it properly according to my shirt style, collar type, and pants positioning. I had to learn what it took to get the right results and then try to repeat those steps daily.

I learned quickly that all ties were not created equal and different ties were appropriate for different occasions.

There are minor adjustments that need to be made but I have a few key performance indicators that help me to bang it chooseout on the first try, most of the time. On the few occasions that I don’t get it right, I immediately undo it and try again. I am relentless when it comes to getting it “just right”, not because I am obsessive compulsive, but because I know that the alternative will cause me ongoing grief for the rest of the day.

So I accept my ineffectiveness and address it right then and there.

Think about this…

What if your outfit represented a man’s comfort and complacency in his marriage? Imagine that your pants are your mind (since that’s were we seem to do allot of our thinking from anyway) and your shirt is your heart. (you can fill in the blank for the rest of the articles of clothing) Then we get to your tie. What if your tie was the way you “tied it all together” and expressed yourself? What if your tie was your ability to communicate with your spouse? Would it be good enough simply to try and get “close enough”? Would it be OK to be too “short” or too “long”? Would it be alright if it didn’t match the rest of you? Would it be OK if if drew attention away from what you were trying to “stand for”? What would be the consequences for not getting the tie right?

It makes no difference how clean and pressed your shirt and pants are, or how shiny you make your shoes, if your tie is not executed correctly. The focus will quickly be taken off of your intentions and focus on the poor impact you have had on your outfit. All of the effort behind the rest of the ensemble will be for naught because you didn’t take time enough to accessorized with due care.

Here is what I recommend:

perfectly statedLearn the best way to tie your tie. Remember that some ties are different lengths and thicknesses. Know the rules and etiquette involved in tie tying. Understand its significance and importance. Know that different ties work better with different types of people. Most importantly, step back and look at yourself in the mirror during and after the exercise. If you have not tied your tie properly, lately; understand that, with a bit of effort, you can take it off and give it another shot.

Communication has and will always be the key to a healthy marriage. Just like my tie, it is something we have to do every day (regardless of our desire or judgement). Wouldn’t it make sense for us to learn how and why we have to do it? Should we have key performance indicators, tips, or reminders that help us get it right the first time? Shouldn’t we make sure that we have the time and patience to re-communicate to insure our impact, when it is called for?

On a related side-note, you might want to get rid of the “piano key” tie that you have been hanging on to since the 80’s. Fashions are constantly changing, and so are our wives and marriages. Sometimes, staying up to date is just as important as application and techniques.


5 Responses to my wife likes to see me tied up

  1. Hawk says:

    Another great read as usual. I just wish I had your flare for writing. Glad to see you back. Thought you may have been wrangled off to some far-off distant location!

    Good stuff Charlie san!


  2. Mike Ash says:

    leaving for Catalyst tonight…won’t be the same without your head in the small of my back…

  3. Jayleigh says:

    ::thumbs up:: to you too, my friend!

  4. His Girl says:

    So I finally got around to reading my favorite blog and once again found myself wanting to send it to many of my friends to read. Remember the really thin ties that were in from the 80’s? Having flashbacks now. Thanks Charlie for so much insight and wisdom as always. I’ve been busy so hope to blog again soon on all God is teaching me. It’s been hard juggling so much. Be blessed.

  5. Charlie says:

    Hawk: You do just fine, sir…I always look forward to your posts.

    Mike: That is one of my favorite stories of all times…

    Jayleigh: Thanks

    HG: I am blessed…and so are you…

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