trick your wife into loving you more
January 19, 2008 13 Comments
“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” —Robert McCloskey
Let the analogy begin:
When (I repeat “when”) I workout regularly, I try to “trick” my muscles. I try not to do the same exercises, reps and sets for each and every workout. I try to shock my muscles into growing and adapting to new stimuli, so I make sure to always switch up my training routines, number of sets and reps for each training session. Also, I make sure to train at a high level of intensity and really push each set to positive failure (barely getting the last rep up).
I focus on increasing the weight lifted or the distance traveled. I know that if my muscles get used to lifting a specific amount of weight or run/bike/swimming a certain distance, then they will never want to get stronger or grow. I try to trick my muscles with different reps/sets and keep my intensity levels up high enough so they always are forced to make changes and grow. This is a proven fact and cannot easily be argued.
Some questions for me, as of late, have been based on this theory and how it pertains to my relationship with my wife.
What parts of my relationship am I simply repeating reps and sets, just like I always have, because they are comfortable and non-challenging? What level of intensity do I attack opportunities to interact with my spouse? How “shocked” is my wife at the tactic I use to express myself and reassure her that she is as special to me as she really is?
So I said to myself…”self”…”You have loved your wife more each day of your lives together and will continue to do so for the rest of your natural born life.”
My initial response to myself was quick and painless. Just like a waste of time workout where you go through the motions but don’t accomplish anything more than the ability to say “I went to the gym today.” It was not a lie, but what did you accomplish? How did you improve? What was were the gains? It was another example of just going through the motions and leaving well enough alone.
We all know what the results are with gym visits like that.
We wake up one morning and we don’t recognize the body that is facing us in the mirror. We are out of breath walking to our cars in the morning. We feel uncomfortable in our own bodies. But worst of all, we are faced with what seems to be an insurmountable task of getting back on the right track and shaping ourselves back to the person that we knew and loved. All the while kicking and screaming that if we had just been slightly more sensible in our everyday lives, we would not be in the position that we are in today.
Lets face it, isn’t it easier to maintain a certain weight than it is to lose it? Isn’t it easier to stay in a good habit rather than trying to learn a new one? Isn’t it easier to compete when you have your head in the game? So why not attach that same “shocking” vision to a relationship?
As I see it there are 3 choices.
1. Do nothing. If the consequences of this are not clear…you need more than an article to straighten you out. Stop reading this immediately, get off the computer, and call 911. Your brain is no longer strong enough to continue to support the flesh and bones it tries to drag around all day.
2. Keep doing what you are doing. Your relationship might continue to work for a while; but chances are it will get stale and stiff. Your words and actions will slowly become less affective over time. Then, mark my word, a great relationship will tun into a good one, which will turn into a decent one, which will turn into a bad one. You will look into the mirror one morning and see someone that is in no shape to love anyone. Heck, you will have a hard time loving yourself.
3. Give your relationship some “shock” value. Find new and interesting ways to perform the same actions you are used to in the attempt to acheive better results. Come at her at a different angle. Use a different approach. Say things in different ways. If you can’t be more exciting, at least be different. And for God’s sake, learn some new jokes! (Try to make your relationship more interesting than your 613th time seeing the same power point presentation for your companies new HSA program.)
Some quick examples:
What is your normal sign off when you get off the phone with your spouse? Mine has always been “I love you, bye.” (quick and to the point, right) Now, I know that I MEAN it every time I say it, but do you think she FEELS it the same way as the first time she heard it from me umpteen years ago? Well, I am no longer going to be so stupid to think that I can say someting every day (sometimes 2 or 3 times), exactly the same, for 15+ years and still believe it has the same impact as when we first met.
What about, where you take her to eat, what you wear when you go out, or what you write in birthday cards. What about how often you call her during the day, when you buy her flowers, or the last time you thanked her for the things she does for you. Ask yourself what your intimate routines look like, what constitutes physical contact and foreplay, and when is the “real” right time? How about, when was the last time you simply held her without grabbing her?
I’ll tell you where I started…
I called my wife, just like I always do, but this time when I was getting ready to end our conversation I told her “I am IN love with you.” A few days after that I cooked diner WITH her. A few days after that I gave her a full body massage. A few days later I asked her about her job and told her that I was proud of her for the job she does. You see, its not rocket science. It’s should be common sense.
If you want to see growth and gains in your relationship. You have to show your relationship the unexpected. The benefits will present themselves automatically. (Like the “action” I got after the body massage.) The quicker you get in the habit of “shocking” your spouse, the more natural it will feel and the more creative you will become. Changing up your relational routine is not an exercise or a diet…it’s a lifestyle. There are no diet pills, steroids, or miracle cures to for a broken relationship. It takes conditioning, determination, and will power.
It’s never to late to get healthy in your relationship. It just gets harder, the longer you wait.
So move it, bucko!