i love my wife…despite her fruit

cake1I can think of a few things about my wife that I could definitely do without.

Although I am not bold enough to actually list them, I know that there IS a list (however tiny it may be) of idiosyncrasies and peculiarities that come at some of the most unexpected and sometimes unwelcomed times. I would go as far as to say that my wife’s behavior has occasionally changed the taste in my mouth so bad that my jaw hurt and I couldn’t decide whether to spit, swallow, or throw up in my mouth a bit.

Sometimes I have patience for these isolated incidents, and other times I don’t. Sometimes I keep my thoughts to myself, and sometimes I can’t. Sometimes I keep my opinions locked up in my “keep your mouth shut if you know what’s good for you” safe, and other times my “possibility for action” dimmer switch shorts out and catches fire.

Ok, by a show of hands:”How many women out there think I don’t love my wife, completely and without reservation or judgment?”

And now the guys:”Do I still love her, or am I counting the days until I can escape a prison of pain and suffering before I gouge my eyes out with a swimming noodle?” Read more of this post


why my wife is never wrong

argue“Language is not an abstract construction of the learned, or of dictionary makers, but is something arising out of the work, needs, ties, joys, affections, tastes, of long generations of humanity, and has its bases broad and low, close to the ground”  Noah Webster

Noah Webster was an American lexicographer, textbook offer, spelling reformer, word enthusiast, and editor.  He has been called the “Father of American Scholarship and Education.” In the United States, his name has become synonymous with dictionaries, especially the modern Miriam Webster dictionary that was first published in 1828 as An American Dictionaries of the English Language.

More importantly, he was a husband to Rebecca Greenleaf.

You see, within Webster’s Dictionary lies a secret greater than the Da Vinci Code, The Bible Code, and the secret of the Holy Grail all mixed up in one.  It is a warning that has been placed beneath the eyes of every man that is familiar with his great name.  It is a gift that was purposely hidden inside a piece of random organized literature that would be sure to inhabit every household under the sun.  Its survival is crucial if marriages are to survive.  The secret has been right under your eyes, waiting for you claim it as your own. Read more of this post

trick your wife into loving you more

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”          —Robert McCloskey

Let the analogy begin:

OOS 1When (I repeat “when”) I workout regularly, I try to “trick” my muscles. I try not to do the same exercises, reps and sets for each and every workout. I try to shock my muscles into growing and adapting to new stimuli, so I make sure to always switch up my training routines, number of sets and reps for each training session. Also, I make sure to train at a high level of intensity and really push each set to positive failure (barely getting the last rep up).

I focus on increasing the weight lifted or the distance traveled. I know that if my muscles get used to lifting a specific amount of weight or run/bike/swimming a certain distance, then they will never want to get stronger or grow. I try to trick my muscles with different reps/sets and keep my intensity levels up high enough so they always are forced to make changes and grow. This is a proven fact and cannot easily be argued.

Some questions for me, as of late, have been based on this theory and how it pertains to my relationship with my wife. Read more of this post